10.45

started with the fat book.

The day so far

8.05 PM

Yes so, so far I didn't really study all morning but I got kicking post 4 pm.
Not bad plan in place. Just that the implementation remains to be seen.

Must finish consti (at least 3/4th) till 7th next month.
Also must rote up all the class notes.
Read the papers regularly, you know just to get a flow going.
Math etc can wait.

Anyway now I wanna watch tv and start again at ten

Phew!

Loving this =D

Woohoo Just read my first post here.
Ok Im back in the game.

Tomorrow ill say morning early to this diary thing.

Today is my Sunday.. Sunday night.. but its actually monday.. I just take longer to settle in and stay there.

I felt too much in one day it seems.

I realized I love a boy I cant be with. In the any near future.
And I had to take a day in. To absorb that. Im trying to stick to some feelings and not let everything be flexible.

Anyway. Finishing the last of my stash. Throats anyway hurting, Im smoking enough cigarettes for that.

Tomorrow new day, no weed, old peoples drugs, cracking it.

Morning

8.15 am

A cup of tea.

Romantic rainy morning.

Perfect for a cuddly sesh of early morning s**.

But no, Im going to revise Critical Reasoning from the GMAT Bible it seems. The book's pretty good.

Goodmorning to the people of internet. Have a great day.

Today's target is to get atleast 7 hours of hardcore studies done.

Truthfully Yours

I was writing in a diary, a rather cute one. But all I wanted was for it to be read. After all we all take our lives seriously, we all feel so many things, we all want to say so much.

Thankfully, we now have a substitute for pen pals. Remember how earlier people used to communicate across the globe with letters in ink and beautiful stationery? I guess this one's a little like that.

I'm here to share myself with whoever is listening to me. Rather reading me. Welcome to my life. If eloquently put, I can sound extraordinary.

But more so because I had vowed sometime back to not return to writing till I had an honest heart and wrote my stories in the truest spirit.

It sounds easy? Try going through an entire wek without a single lie. You'll know my pain and my struggle. To be 100% honest is difficult. And I learnt that the hard way. Cheated on my boy, five years on still more or less in love with him. That doesnt mean I dont indulge myself or am out of options. Just that he taught me all I know about myself. The people who see through you are the worst, because they see you for what you are, inside. Its hard to know people that well, but once you let someone into that space there's really no space for ego or self preservation. I ended up ceding every shred of power to him.

Anyway besides the love problem, I really am having great sex with a man who likes me a lot and cares for me. Just that I no longer have the strenght in my heart to give him my love. If I am hurt again I can safely say goodbye to all my career agendas which in truth is more important to me, like atleast ten shades more.  I've got to make it happen. I must redeem myself, most importantly in my eyes.

After all, at the risk of sounding arrogant, I am capable, clever, intellectual, a lawyer, seductive and  quite pretty. And I often get the feeling that most people would rather pity me and feel happy for being better off, than rejoice at my success and feel that inevitable twinge of envy.

I might sound lovelorn, but I'm driven to the extent that I put in about 7 to 8 hours everyday and hopefully will be putting in 14 to 16 hours by November. Its my life breath. My passion, addiction and redemption.

So, Dear Internet, and hopefully a real human being who's reading this, over the next year I'll let you in on my plans, days, schedules, and the hardcore challenge of roting about 100 books for an exam in which the odds for topping are approximately 0.01%. Yes you read that right.



Hoping to be found,
Love,

An honest person

P.S. I agree with Steve Jobs.